Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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