My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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