She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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