i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize