it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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