If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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