If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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