i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
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the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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