Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
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I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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