home. puking in laundry basket.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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