What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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