yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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