I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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