I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
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my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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