Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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