omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
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You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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