Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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