i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
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Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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