Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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