you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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