I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
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they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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