I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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