he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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