The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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