turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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