when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize