Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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