Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize