If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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