That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i think my mom watched the whole time
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
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You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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