I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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