You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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