I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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