just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
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I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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