how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
is wine microwaveable?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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