i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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