4 words: hood of his car
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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