so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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