I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize