Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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