just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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