Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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