I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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