IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize