sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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