I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize