i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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