i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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