Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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