Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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